Midas Journal 21

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This part originally posted on its own under the title "Holy cow I'm an idiot":

I'm working on a bit more stuff right now, but I just wanted to quickly call attention to something that happened over the last few...months by now, I think?

It looks like blogspot or google or whoever changed the way in which the interface I'm looking at displays comments awaiting moderation, and for this entire time I didn't notice that they were there. So  today I finally figured it out, and there were some twenty comments that I hadn't seen at all! I was seriously under the impression that everyone had completely stopped commenting anything whatsoever, and it was discouraging to think. It's good to know that was entirely my own fault.

Once I get something else up (which should be fairly soon), I'll just append this notice to the start of that so it doesn't take up an entire post, but I just wanted to let anyone interested know that all the comments have been published again and I know what was happening now so maybe I can avoid making this error in the future.

While I'm at it, I'm going through those comments and responding to anything that seems to need responding, so look out for that if you posted something as well.

In addition to that, one of those comments I realized were there recently asked if there could be an email subscription option, so I added that over on the side in case anyone is interested.

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Entry: May 10

Today I went to school as a girl. It was..well, it felt pretty normal for the most part, aside from a few of what I would call knowing glances from the people who more or less know what happened. Adena and I had lunch together again, when I noticed something a little strange about her. Or, well, not strange exactly, but different for sure. I wasn't sure exactly how to bring it up, but I did anyway, in about the most awkward way possible. When we were already sitting down, starting to eat, I said, “So...you seem a little, uh, taller.” I didn't actually mean that she was taller. Actually, she might have been a little taller, but my own perspective had gone down a bit since the last time I'd actually seen her so it was a little harder to tell, but—you know, the point is that her bust had grown. Not a ton, but noticeably.

Of course, her first response was a sly grin along with, “Well, you're one to talk. Last week you were totally flat, but now, bwoom!” (With this she cupped her hands over her own chest and then pulled them outward to mimic growth)

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, feeling a slight heat in my cheeks and my ears drooping slightly. “But—seriously, did you use your Kitsune magic or something to..?”
“Nope, this is just what happens. Anytime a Kitsune grows a new tail, they have a small shift in appearance that makes 'em more attractive. So unless they're in some kind of disguise, nine-tailers are the prettiest people you'll ever see.”

“Um..attractive to who?” I said, thinking about just how long I'd had to deal with that kind of question about my own power.

“I dunno,” she shrugged, “just generally more alluring? You know, to look more trustworthy or just outright mesmerize the opposite sex? It's all to help along the art of deception.”

“So...bigger boobs,” I said.

“Not just that!” she said, a little annoyed. “Sometimes you get a better figure overall, or get taller, like actually taller, or a prettier face, or a more melodious voice..any number of things.”

“Okay, okay.”

I was quiet for a couple of seconds, before I caught on to something. “..So if I could back up a little, you said it's to...help along the art of deception,” I said.
“Yeah?”
“That makes it sound like it has some kind of intent?”
“Well, of course it does,” she said, putting her hands to the sides, palm-up. “I dunno how that's surprising.”

“But how does magic have an intent? It's just...like...someone's power, right?”

“Not for Kitsune,” she said, shaking her head. “Everything about the way Kitsune magic works is determined by our ruler.”

“Ruler?” This was the first I'd heard of that.

“You know—patron deity, goddess I guess? I mean, technically she can look like anything she wants. The highest possible authority among Kitsune, and...well, it's hazy whether she created us or used to be one of us or what, but basically she's the one who decides the rules.” After thinking for a couple of seconds, Adena added, “I guess that is pretty unusual, though. It's not like werewolves have someone to point to when you ask them why the full moon affects them how it does.” I nodded, and at the same time some kind of spark went off in my head at the mention of the full moon.

It's this Friday. Exactly when the full moon is going to be just seems to be something werewolves learn to memorize, myself in this body included. Am I going to stay a werewolf for that long? I technically remember other full moons, but it's kind of a fake memory, and anyway I wasn't in a pack at the time or anything, so I didn't spend those times with anyone, or really doing much different from usual besides being covered in fur. Scheduling some kind of pack get-together for the night of a full moon seems exactly like the kind of thing Lue would try to do, and I don't really know whether to look forward to or dread that possibility. This train of thought led me primarily to the conclusion that I should get Brian to join the pack as soon as possible so I wouldn't have to deal with that alone.

I had some time to think during the day today, specifically about my power, and how I should or shouldn't try to use it. I feel different about it from how I did at first, or even a week ago; it's not a terrible thing, and I shouldn't treat it like that. But I'm not comfortable altering people's lives arbitrarily all the time, either. I settled on some ground rules to try and work with.

My experience so far suggests it's going to just spill out by accident every once in a while no matter what I do. If that happens, I will try and talk to that person as soon as I can afterward, explain exactly what happened and offer to change them back. I feel like I might finally have enough control over my power to make it change them back, especially if the want it. If they don't want to go back, I'll try my best not to worry about it.

On the other hand, I may sometimes get a feeling someone nearby could change. If that happens, and if I can, I will try and figure out what it is they want that my power would “grant” before touching them. My first instinct is to stay away from someone I might change to keep from doing it by accident...but if it really, really seems like I could help them with something serious, then it could be wrong not to help them. Still, I have to find some way to talk to that person before touching them, and try to explain what'll happen if I do. And then..well, if they want it to happen then I'll let it.

I had to test out these rules a lot sooner than I thought I was going to.

When school was over, I was at my locker, moving things back and forth, and I felt a sharp tug from the weird extra sense that tells me my power could affect someone nearby. It's weird—I never really noticed a sense of magnitude before, but this one at least felt a lot stronger than most of the ones before. My going theory for now is that a stronger pull means someone wants something more, but that's honestly just based on this one time that it was a lot stronger than usual so far.

I carefully turned around to see where it was coming from, and I saw a guy in a wheelchair. Specifically, one of those motorized wheelchairs, like, a person with one of those has probably been unable to walk for a while. His legs looked tiny and weak, which was more evidence for that theory, too. I couldn't help but guess at what it was he wanted so badly, and there was no way I could just ignore it.

I took a deep breath, thinking. I needed to...get him alone somehow, to talk about this. He probably wouldn't believe me if I just put it bluntly, and there was a real risk of him thinking I was pulling off some kind of horrible prank and then leaving in anger if I wasn't really careful about how I approached this. Should I find someone else who knew what I could do, or would multiple people just make it look more suspicious? Eventually I decided to just follow him, and see if I could figure out the right thing to say.

Being a werewolf now, I seem to have a set of instincts related specifically to stalking something quietly. Those kicked in almost as soon as I decided to try and follow him somewhere slightly more private, and I kept myself well out of sight, using the better hearing of the wolf ears to keep track of the electronic whirr of the chair. The whole time I was trying to plan out what I would say once I finally got a chance to, and it seemed steadily more solid with each revision. At the same time, a part of my mind was distracted by how completely bizarre and absurd the situation was. I think if someone told me a couple of months ago that I would soon be a female werewolf stalking an injured person to see if he wanted to turn into a girl I...well, I guess my exact reaction would depend on who had said it, but let's just say I wouldn't have believed them.

I was pleased to find us finally both on an open section of sidewalk with nobody else around. It reminded me a little bit of when I first met Rio, and something about the situation felt...correct. I had fully formed the way I wanted to speak by now, too. In addition to the magnitude thing, I'm also working on the theory that maybe my power has some kind of effect like this sometimes, too, where it helps make things convenient...even though other times, I've changed someone right in front of a crowd and instead it just made them not see anything happening. Anyway, I picked up the pace a little bit to catch up with him, and before I could say anything he stopped the chair, turning half-around to look at me.

“You been followin' me,” he said. “Did I run over your tail or somethin'?”

“Uh...” Of course, my planning hadn't accounted for the possibility he might say something first. I really thought I'd done a decent job following him without his notice, too, so there was also that. And he specifically mentioned my tail, which meant...what? He knew I was a werewolf? How much magic was aware of? Or was he just making a weird expression without any knowledge of magic? I struggled out a “...nooo?” while attempting to process all of that. “I have..something I want to talk to you about,” I said finally, moving around so I was more in front of him rather than behind.

“Uh-huh.”

There were a few seconds of awkward silence before I realized he wasn't going to say anything else, and I pushed ahead. “Do you...like..being in a wheelchair?” As soon as that had come out, I winced. That wasn't how I was going to word that at all! “I mean—no, I..ugh..” I had to bury my face in my hands at this point.

“Well, to answer your question I don't,” he said, crossing his arms. “Am I to 'sume you have some alternative?”

“Um.” I tried to remember how I was supposed to put this. “Look. What if—purely hypothetically—someone could fix your legs. But...to do it, they had to turn you into a girl.” Okay, that was a little better. I don't actually think that saying something as weird as that is 'purely hypothetical' does anything besides make the other person suspect what you're talking about is somehow not hypothetical, at least to you. But it feels like being less direct in that way gives people permission to talk about bizarre things they wouldn't feel okay bringing up otherwise.
“Hnm. A girl?” he said, tilting his head sideways. “I guess that don't matter much, if I could walk.”

I huffed another deep breath. “Okay then.”

“Okay what? You got somethin' to tell me?”

“Uh..” I could tell him that I actually had that power, but it felt like he'd already said yes. And...I could undo it if he didn't like it, right? “I'll just...” I reached forward slightly and brushed my hand against his wrist, just a little bit. He recoiled back slightly, seeming to expect me to do something more drastic, maybe even attack him or something, but I drew my hand back to my side, and he stayed tensed for a second or two before realizing that was it and settling a little bit.
“What's that s'posed ta...?” he started, but of course the touch was already starting to have an effect on him.

The first thing that happened was a little more dramatic and strange than usual. He floated up out of the chair into a standing position, but hovering a few inches in the air like he was being held up by some invisible strings. At the same time his skin was going through the usual cycle of losing a lot of body hair and turning softer and smoother. Next his legs grew, plumping out from the scrawny unused look to normal, healthy limbs, but of course they were more feminine-looking than before. He didn't seem able to change his position much in this weird floating state, but he leaned his head over as much as he could to look down at them as this happened. “Hey, it feels like..” He swung his legs slightly in midair, managing to bend them a bit and wiggle his feet slightly. “Y..you weren't kiddin'?” he said, turning his head back up to look at me.

“Yeah, uh..I just didn't know any other way to get you to believe me,” I said. His hair was starting to grow longer and change color, moving toward red. His body began to slim and shrink down, his face rounding and his shoulders narrowing.

“O-oh, you weren't kiddin' about the other part either,” he said, his face reddening slightly at this second wave of changes. His clothes shifted around too, his shirt's sleeves detaching and spreading out and downward into a cape while the rest of the material grew thicker and paled in color. His shorts slid down off of his hips entirely, split apart at the middle and flowed down along his legs, merging with his socks into a pair of thigh-high leggings; the boxers beneath that were already getting shorter and tighter, but as he lost more height his shirt fell down before that to provide a little decency.

“Well, th-this feels...ain't any words for it...” he said, his voice starting to float upward in pitch. By now his hair was brilliant red, framing a cute feminine face and falling down a little past his shoulders, but its color shifted further, gaining a bit of blue and paling more as it continued to grow out. A big blue ribbon appeared on his head and a collar with a cute little rabbit symbol appeared around his neck while his shirt slid down enough to show some neckline.

“Y-yeah, I know,” I said, echoing the blush on his face with one of my own. I could tell he wasn't going to be male much longer, as his hips began to push out and back and the shirt (now more of a white sleeveless sweater thing) pulled tight against a new inward curve to his waist.

He closed his eyes at this point, his face reddening even more, and a soft “Oh..a-aah!” in a voice just reaching girly range came from his lips. I saw a pair of strings from a pair of panties appear just beneath where the top now reached and somehow I could just feel that the person in front of me was absolutely a girl now. As if to confirm that, she let out another “O-o-o-oh!” as her chest rapidly ballooned forward, stretching the material of the shirt as it went. Her voice hadn't risen in pitch much at all since before, leaving her with a deep alto tone, but still an unmistakeably female one.

As she continued to fill out, I thought she shrank another inch or so, until I realized that whatever had been holding her up in the air had gently let her down. At the same time, a pair of white bits of fuzz poked up from the top corners of her head and rapidly stretched out into a pair of...rabbit ears? That was a new one, I thought. Her hair flowed down well past her hips by now, and had taken on a bright purple color. Her breasts finally finished growing, winding up even a little bigger than mine, and she slowly opened her eyes, raising a small hand to her face and giving a little smile as (I'm pretty sure) a new set of memories filled her mind.

“Th-this is..I can't hardly believe it!” she said, looking down at herself (I think specifically her now-working legs), and then back up at me. “You did this? Really?”
“W-well, yeah..” I said.

She responded to this by immediately tackling me into a hug. She was just slightly shorter than me, so this had the effect of squishing her new assets against my own, and she chose a form of hug that put her cheek against mine and (probably accidentally) brushed one of the new ears against one of mine.
“Thank you thank you thank you!” She said while I awkwardly returned the hug.
“U-um, you're welcome. I guess you're okay with being a girl, then..”
She drew herself back enough to look me in the face, but kept her arms around me. Still grinning brightly she said, “Okay? This is even better than I coulda thought up. Look, I'm already a gymnast!” She finally let go and then did a quick backflip right there on the sidewalk, sticking the landing and giving a small bow at the end. (I should probably mention at this point that the wheelchair had disappeared, it would've been in the way of doing this I think) “Yeah? Yeah? I always wanted to be able to do tricks like that.”

“But—What's the deal anyhow?” she asked, walking up a little closer again. “What'd you do, 'xactly?” I explained to her as best I could how my power worked: Specifically the wish granting plus turns person into a girl thing, and the reality rewrite thing. And I mentioned the detection part, to explain why I'd been following her.

“Well, I got you all wrong. I guess you can't judge a book by its cover, huh?”
“Um..is there something wrong with my 'cover'?” I said.

“You're a werewolf, ain't ya?” she said, looking pointedly at my ears. I nodded. “Well, only thing I ever seen a werewolf do is bully an' hurt Rabbits like me.”

“You're a...rabbit?” I repeated. “So, like actually the animal or..?”
“No, silly. Person Rabbit. Like how you're a person wolf?”

“Well, yeah, but...so you're not a were-rabbit or some kind of like, rabbit spirit or something,” I said, attempting to clarify.

“That'd be silly. Naw, I'm just a Rabbit. I guess maybe all werewolves ain't bad. I just had an awful run in with some when I was young. Or, uh...I guess I didn't anymore?” Her ears flopped to the side slightly in some confusion. “'Cause that's how I got paralyzed in the first place, only now I ain't.”

“Yeah...dealing with multiple versions of your own history is confusing,” I said. “As far as my, like, real of memories are concerned I wasn't a werewolf, and didn't know they actually existed until a few weeks ago. But I have met a few nice ones.”

“Well, don't go spreadin' around that I'm a Rabbit all the same,” she said. “We really don't like folks to know if we can help it. Predator types have a long history of hurtin' us, you know.”

“I don't really, but...you kinda have obvious ears,” I said.
“Aww, those only show up to folks we reveal 'em to,” she said, flapping a hand dismissively. “Although I'm not real exactly sure when I did that for you...”
“It seems like another weird running theme with my power,” I said, “where people who have animal ears hidden to me tend to show them all of a sudden or something.” But that didn't happen with Lue. Was it because she didn't have them 'out' at the time? Or, he didn't, whatever. “I...don't really know how that works,” I admitted.

“Oh, back up a minute. I didn't even introduce myself,” I said. “I'm Kaela, uh...usually I'm a guy named Kael but I sort of used my power on myself to look like this for a while...” I offered a hand to shake.

“Well, nice to meet ya either way,” she said, shaking it. “Ya'll can call me Annabel. It wasn't my name a minute ago, either. Not that I'm complainin'!”

“Yeah,” I said. “Uh, I get that response a lot for some reason. I've just recently decided not to worry about it too much but it's a hard habit to break.”

“Even if I didn't like this, it'd be more'n worth it to have the use of my legs back,” she said, nodding. “I feel like I oughta' reward ya somehow for doin' somethin' like this for me, honestly.”

“Er...don't worry about that,” I said. “It doesn't really take a lot of effort to..do that, as far as I can tell.”
“But ya'll sought me out and even chased after me a little bit to help me!” she said, “And bearin' up to the awkward conversation took some bravery. That's worth somethin', ain't it?”

“W-well, I guess a little,” I said, feeling just embarrassed about it enough for another small blush. “But I don't really like to, you know, relate to people through transactions like that...”
“Well, ya'll can consider me a friend, then,” she said, nodding. “You need somethin' you think I can help out with, I'll be there, alright? Anyhow, I think I have practice pretty soon now, so I gotta go get clothes to change into from home.”

“Practice?” I said.

“Yeah, I said I was gymnast now, right?” she said, and then started to run off in probably the direction of home. “See ya'll later!”

“Um, you too.”

While I waved, watching her leave, I started thinking again. That's always dangeorus. So this was another kind of 'magic person type' I'd run into now, in the form of someone I'd changed who turned out to be that. I started the walk back home on automatic, wondering what kind of person was next (it's a safe bet there will be a next, after all). Demon people beyond Kitsune seems pretty likely. Some kind of dragon person or something? Driders? I have no idea how far down the rabbit hole goes (I didn't really want that pun but I couldn't think of a better expression).

Something occurred to me: Did it really go down that far at all, or was I the one digging it? Did werewolves used to not be real until I touched Lue? or Neko until Rhia? What about witches? From my perspective there's functionally no difference between a world where none of those things existed until the time I “discovered” them. But then, all of the actual people had told me that they'd always been that kind of magic race, and it seems inconsistent somehow for them to have an “honest” double memory about everything else but for my power to weirdly alter things so they were always magic or whatever. I don't feel like that's really how it works. It can't be, right?

I think have an idea of what I can do about it. Assuming I do “discover” some new kinds of magical person in the near future, I'm going to have a way to check if I'm actually adding those things on or not, or at least to see how likely it is that that's happening. The only way for this to give me a wrong answer of “yes I'm discovering existing things” is if my own memories are being changed this way too, and if that's happening then it might as well have always been this way anyway.