Midas Journal 9

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Entry: Apr 6

I'm going to start this entry with some more stuff that happened last week, after the last one. I think it's important enough to put in this journal, and I didn't make a separate entry for it already, so it's going here.

First of all, last Wednesday night I tried becoming a girl again. It wasn't any easier or faster, and I was Kayla again when I was done, but...well, my bust was bigger. It wasn't by very much, but I knew it was bigger as soon as I was finished changing because it looked bigger and, well, weighed more. But I had no idea why. After trying to think of reasons for a minute or so, and making sure I was right that it was different at all, I just sort of shrugged it off and turned back, sure that I'd practiced enough for that night, and I didn't feel quite as tired as I had on Tuesday. I wasn't sure at the time if it was because I hadn't tried staying as girl-me for more than a minute or so, or because the practice was really helping. I think by now it might have been a little of both.

But that wasn't all. The next day, when Carla and I were walking home from school, she asked if I'd been working out. I said I hadn't, and wanted to know why, and she said, I looked...more "buff" than the day before. When I got home I had a good look in the mirror and found out she was right. I did look like I had exercised, my muscles had more definition than before. I tried stuffing my backpack with some books and picked it up, and it was easier to pick up than before. I didn't just look stronger, I actually was a little stronger. And that really confused me.

The only cause I could think of was two nights of turning into Kayla and back. By this point I'm assuming that being stronger was somehow related to the bigger chest I had Wednesday night. But neither of them makes any sense. When Carlos changed and turned back the first time, he didn't look any different. And when he went back to being Carla that day, she didn't look any different either. After thinking about it, I could only come up with two reasons that made any kind of sense. First of all, maybe practicing in magic actually makes a person's muscles stronger, since it does apparently tire you out. That doesn't explain the chest growth, but I don't like the explanation that does. What I mean is, when I changed on Wednesday night I didn't think about just being a girl so much as becoming Kayla again. I think I even might have pictured what I remember looking like as a girl. But maybe I was off by a little bit, and that image affected the exact body details of the body I turned into. And the same thing could have happened when I turned back.

Why would I be off? The only reason I can think of is that I was picturing Kayla as looking just a little "better", from my male perspective, than I did when I turned into her the first time. And then when I turned back, I might have thought of Kael's body as more, uh, "handsome" than I really am. But just the thought of me in any form thinking like that disturbs me. It means in some small way, maybe even uncontrollably, I am a pervert. It means I judge people based on their appearances, especially how attracted I think I am to someone of the other gender, more than I really want to believe I do. It means that if some part of my mind goes into the look that people take when I accidentally change them by touching them, it's probably making them look more "attractive" to me than they might if it wasn't there.

Rio said that my power might only target 'the right people'. I know she said that because I'm looking up at the entry from back when I first talked to her about it. But if the right people are people whose lives would get better if they were female, and if they would have looked differently without this..whatever from my own mind, then I'm imposing my own image of beauty on them. I can't imagine that anyone reading this will understand just how much that upsets me. I'm not even sure I understand why it's such a big deal. But, to me, it is. Maybe I've known about it in the back of my mind all this time, and that's why I've been feeling guilty. I don't know.

So I kept practicing, hoping I could get to where I won't just automatically change somebody. Around Friday, after three nights of practicing, I started getting some kind of weird extra sense to me. I could feel..I don't know...something when I was near Carla, Rio, or any of the others I've changed. And I could feel the same thing around a couple of guys I don't know who I'm fairly sure I haven't touched since my 18th birthday. So I stayed away from those guys that day, and nothing happened. I mean, no change happened. I think what I mean is that I seem to be developing a sense of who I will automatically change if I touch them, and that's a start. I like that.

Something did happen on Friday that wasn't me changing someone. Rhia came up to talk to me in P.E. She introduced herself, I said who I was, and then she asked if I wanted to go see a movie with her that night.

I was surprised, to say the least. "What? Are you asking me out?"

"Well, not if you don't want me to do. We could just go as friends, right?"
"Uh.." She was leaning forward and giving me a very eager, almost desperate kind of look. The ears didn't help my chances. "Sure, I guess."

"Great, thank you. Can we meet at the theater at 8?"
"Okay." As soon as she walked away, I tried to come up with a sensible reason why I had agreed to that at all. We aren't really friends, I mean, we just met as far as she seems to know. Well, I hadn't talked to her since the change, she might not even know I changed her. Maybe I'd get a chance to talk to her about it? I didn't tell Carla about it, or anyone else in particular really, but I hadn't made any plans for that night either.

So Rhia and I went to see a movie that night. It wasn't a date at all, and neither of us acted like it was. I was kind of surprised she didn't try to turn it into one, based on what Carla said the other day. And once we were back out in the theater parking lot I had a chance to speak with her alone.

"Hey, so, there's something I need to ask you," I said.

"Shoot."

In spite of the other people I've changed apparently remembering who they were before, I wasn't willing to make any assumptions. I started in as hesitantly as I could. "Um..well, your ears..have they always looked, like that?"

"Like what?" She was pretending to not know what I was talking about. I put one of my hands on top of my head and flapped it a couple of times. "Oh, that! Yeah, I've always had a few feline traits like that. Most people can't see 'em though."

"I know that. But, do you mean you've looked like you do now..for as long as you can remember?"

"Well, not exactly. I mean, I grew up from being way smaller, right?" It was one of those answers that could mean anything.

I needed to be more direct. "Look. I need to know if you remember anything unusual happening on March 23rd, Tuesday before last."

"Oh? You mean...like a major change, don't you?" I nodded. "Now that I think of it...you weren't too far away at the time, were you?"

"No, I wasn't."
"So you actually saw it happen? I didn't think anyone did."

"Well, I think the reason I saw it is, I may have been responsible." I paused to gather my thoughts. "Since my 18th birthday, I've had some kind of strange power that I don't understand, can't control, and sometimes changes the gender of people I touch."

"Oh, I see. So that's what you really wanted to talk about."

"Well, I can't help but feel bad about it. I want to know if you're okay with what happened."

She laughed. "If the worst thing that ever happens to me is turning into a hot chick, I think I might lead a charmed life. Oh, and since we're clear on what changes you were talking about, I might as well mention that I've always come from a family of Nekos, as we're called--both before and after. So these aren't new at all." She flicked an ear up and down, and chuckled.

I felt like I had to break the silence after a few seconds. "So why did you want to ask me out, anyway?"

"Well, I've been flirting with guys since I turned into a girl, but none of them have asked me out, you know? I have mostly the same friends, but none of the guys I already know are interested in me romantically at all. I thought you looked cute and thought, 'what the heck'. At least I might get a new friend outta the deal, huh?"
"I guess so." The first question that popped in my head was why she thought she needed anyone romantically interested in her in the first place. But it seemed...I don't know...rude? So instead I said, "I wouldn't mind being your friend. Right now this power is just weirding me out, and I don't know what to think. I'm not even sure if I should be attracted to someone I know was a guy before."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Think of it this way: People who can or happen to change genders are only the gender they've taken up at the present; who they're attractive and attracted to is a result of the present condition of their body, and can't and shouldn't have anything to do with whatever it used to look like. It's the kind of thoughts shapeshifters use to keep from getting too confused."

I wasn't sure if I followed that line of thought, much less agreed with it. But I still said, "Thank you."

"No worries. Thanks to you, too."

"Uh, for what?"
"Telling me why I turned into a girl all of a sudden. I thought for sure some really powerful mage either wanted me for a girlfriend or was just screwing with me. Anyway, I gotta get on home. See you around?"
"Sure...we do go to the same school." She laughed again, and started off toward her home. I went the other way to get to my home.

It was late, so I just went to bed that night. Since the next day was Saturday, I figured I could practice in the morning. So that's what I did. I turned back into the same Kayla from the last couple of nights, and then I decided to test something. I knew I wasn't attracted to girls, and it made sense that I would be attracted to guys, but I hadn't really checked. So I looked up some images of a few male actors that were supposed to be really good-looking. And...well...yeah. I was attracted to guys. Some of those pictures gave me feelings I had never had before, the kind only a girl can have I guess, and when that happened I could feel some heat in my cheeks. It felt...good, but very different and weird.

I had closed all of that out, and I was going to turn back, when my phone rang. I answered it by reflex, and Carla's voice was on the other end of the line.

"Hey, you wanna go shopping this afternoon?"

By now I realized what I'd done, and I tried to deepen my voice. "Uh, s-sure." It just sounded really silly, it was very obviously a girl imitating a guy's voice. I cleared my throat, and even that sounded undeniably girly.

"Are you okay, Kayla? Got something in your throat?"

I took a very small sigh of relief. "Uh, yeah, some water went down the wrong way a couple of minutes ago. I'll be alright." Now I was talking normally, my first time talking as a girl since that two-word phrase the first time I changed. It felt so...natural, and I was aware of how good my voice sounded just flowing like that. It was weird that I was thinking about my voice. As Kael, I don't really think of it at all. I guess it was because it was unfamiliar, because I don't have any memories of being this girl with the pretty voice. What I was going through here was different in that kind of way from what anyone I've changed has gone through.

"Okay, be ready in an hour," she said.

"Sure!"

I hung up and immediately changed back. I guess I could have just gone with it, stayed Kayla all day and taken cues about how she's supposed to act, but I really didn't want to deal with that that day. If I ever do something like that, I want it to be something I plan on doing, not just a spur of the moment decision. Then a copy of the conversation with me as a guy showed up in my memory, and Carla was asking if I wanted to play some video games over at her house. I shook my head to clear it.

So if I'm a girl everyone else remembers me as one, but if some event happens and I turn back, I remember a different version when I turn back into a guy, even though, for everyone I've changed, they and I both remember their lives as guys and as girls? I'm not really sure what that means.

I'm getting kind of off track from the reason I started this journal, but all of that stuff happened and I kept thinking I'd make an entry all about it, and I just never got around to it. Well, until today when I really had to make a journal. So...here's what happened today.

It was P.E. again. This time we were playing soccer. I should probably mention that our school does have a soccer team, and any sport fills the P.E. requirement, so when P.E. class plays soccer we aren't very good at it. One of the guys on the other team was one of the ones that I got that weird 6th sense about, so I tried to stay away from him. But then, when I wasn't looking, he ran straight into me.

This wasn't a small guy like Tim had been, and he was running full-tilt. I was knocked flat, but he was nice enough to stop to make sure I was okay.

I didn't want to change this guy. His hair was a tiny bit longer when I saw him holding his hand out to help me up, and while I was letting him help him up and insisting I was okay my mind was concentrated on one thought: don't change that guy. I watched him while I dusted myself off, and I didn't notice any changes, so I kept concentrating. I was happy, it looked like the practice was paying off. I wasn't really sure how long I had to keep saying it to keep some kind of delayed reaction from happening, so I kept on thinking don't change him. Every once in a while I would steal a glance at him, and at first I was sure it was still working. But then I noticed that his hair, and his shirt..looked paler than before. I kept trying to not change him anyway.

The next time I looked, they were even paler, his hair was down to shoulder length, and his jeans were turning black. And then, a few minutes later, his hair was halfway down his back, his shirt was tight and showed a chest that...wasn't quite flat. His pants, which looked like they were made of cloth by now, had this strip joining them in the middle, but only toward the top. The bottom was tighter on his legs, like it had shrunk a little bit. He was a pretty muscular guy, and his legs and stomach showed it with the tight clothes on him.

I saw him again, and his shirt and hair had both turned completely white. Those muscles were looking...well...deflated a little, and his stomach was narrower. His chest was two distinct little lumps now, and they were starting to move around a little bit when he ran. There was a seam between the lower part of his pants and the upper part now, and the upper part was turning red.

I kept trying to stop it, I even tried concentrating on turning him back to completely male. But it didn't do any good. It wasn't long before his hair reached his hips. His shirt got buttons all the way down the middle, and the top and bottom parts of his pants separated entirely. Now he was wearing a short skirt and hose, and the skin showing between them was smooth and hairless (as far as I could tell, from sneaking a short look). His arms were, too. I could barely see a hint of the muscles he'd had before. The skirt didn't hide the fact that his hips were wider than before, and the tight shirt made very clear the fact that his chest was now two very pronounced globes. I wasn't even sure he was still male. He was yelling something about the game, I don't remember what, but his voice had officially crossed over.

It wasn't much longer before a ribbon showed up in his hair, and another one in front of the now very big chest. Okay, by now they were boobs. And the skirt had a frilly black fringe, pleats, and some kind of checkered pattern of shades of red. His arms and legs had none of the muscle from before, and they were girly thin. Well, okay, they should have been. I wasn't looking at a changing guy anymore, now she was completely changed.

My memory of being run over by him got a copy where I was run into by her, and she kind of leaned her upper body back while she was helping me up...almost like she was trying to get me to look up her skirt. I remembered very pointedly not looking that way, but not exactly how she reacted to that. I think she noticed me looking at her again after gym was over, and she got this..smirk on her face, and stuck her tongue out at me just a little bit. I looked away as fast as I could.

Was she flirting with me? Less than half an hour after turning into a girl? That was what I was thinking when a bunch of thoughts suddenly flashed through my head all at once. First I suddenly remembered the first time Carlos became Carla, she just kissed me. Carla always teases me, but never went that far since or again. And is being grateful for getting a new start the only reason Rio is trying to help me out? And was Sarah looking at me when she blushed? Why did Rhia single me out as looking 'cute'?

I had to take a deep breath to keep myself from having a panic attack, and I promised I would think about it when I had time. Just then, I really needed to get to my next class. I managed to keep it out of my mind by constantly focusing on something else all the time, but I guess now I have time to think about it. What does it mean? Am I imagining half of these things, or is the fact that I'm slightly more muscular than before from whatever happened the second time I turned into Kayla and back really that huge a difference in how girls look at me? Or is it because something about my power actually makes the people I change suddenly become attracted to me?

Okay, to be honest that was the first thing that jumped in my head. But I really don't want that to be true. It makes the whole imposing-my-idea-of-beauty that much worse, and it raises even worse questions. Is my power literally good for nothing but being a huge pervert? Is the entire freaking universe encouraging me to be one? I really hope not.

That's all I really have for tonight. I need to do some thinking. Maybe I'll come up with something, or maybe Rio will find something that explains everything. Whatever happens, it'll probably be in the next entry I guess.

Girls Only

This one's unusually long, or at least it sure seems like it is. But it is two separate changes in one, so I guess it makes sense for it to be so long.

Midas Journal 8

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This makes two updates in one day, so make sure to check the previous post before looking at this one!

Entry: Mar 30

Oh man. This is weird. This is really weird. I'm getting way ahead of myself, but this is just...weird. I'll just, start from the beginning. Like usual.

I managed to catch Rio in the hallway after lunch. "Hey, are you busy after school?" I asked.

"No, why?"
"I need to talk to you about something."
"You mean, at the coffee shop? I've been looking all over the place, but I haven't found anything yet."
"That's fine, I just need to ask you some stuff."
"Alright. See you there."

The rest of the day was normal. I went to some more classes, and then I left. I went back to the Magic Java, and I must have rushed because Rio wasn't there yet. I went to an empty table and took a seat, and waited. One time a waiter stopped to see if I wanted anything, but I just got a cup of water and said I was waiting for someone. She showed up a couple of minutes later.

"What's up?" She looked concerned. I'm sure I looked like I needed concern just then.

"I need to know if there's any way I can stop myself from changing people. I mean, I've been trying to avoid contact with anyone, but it's really hard. Accidents happen. I mean, yesterday..you know Tina?"
"Yeah. I've got a class with her."
"Well, until yesterday she was Tim. I can't just keep doing this. I know it's stupid, but I thought you might know something about how to..you know, how to control it."

She stopped to think for a few seconds, and then answered. "Well, okay. Like I told you, I'm an apprentice witch. Wizards and witches start out with a tiny bit of magic and learn to control and expand it. But some people, like you, have innate powers that express themselves spontaneously. You don't need to gain more power to keep using it, because in a way you kind of already are powerful."

"I can't think of a use for my 'power' that isn't just perverted."

"Maybe, but what you've done with it--accidentally or not--so far has been good. And you can't deny that completely changing a person's biology and everyone else's memories about them is pretty powerful."

"...Yeah, I guess so."

"But I'm not done. People who just have uncontrollable powers like you do can usually learn to control them. It's a little different, but has some of the same steps as learning to use magic from my end."

"Okay. So what does that involve?"
"A lot of practice. It's like stretching a muscle and exercising it to get stronger. The main difference is, for me that muscle is the magic itself...for you, it would be control over it."

I took a deep breath. "That sounds great and all...but how would I even start? I mean, I've tried to stop myself from changing people, as soon as I see it's happening, and it doesn't work."

"Well...in your case it might be harder to stop your power from working when it usually does, than to make it start working in ways that it doesn't want to."

"What are you suggesting?"

"Well.." She paused, whether for dramatic effect or to figure out how to say what she was going to say I don't know. "What if you tried changing the gender of someone who you usually don't when you touch them?"

"But I can't just find some random person and ask them if it's okay for me to--"
"You shouldn't have to."

"Uh..What?"
"There's already someone you know who you can definitely touch without changing."
"Well, who is that?"

I had the feeling I wouldn't like her answer, and I didn't. Rather than talking, she just pointed at me. "Wh-what?!"

"I'm serious," she said. Her tone was intense and serious. "All you should need to do is focus on making your power work on yourself. Concentrate on changing your own body. And it should work."
"And you're saying that if I do that enough, I might start being able to not change other people?"
"Yeah. Besides, it might be good for you to know what it's like. I mean..you act like it's the worst thing in the world. It's really not."
"I don't know if it's good or bad, I just can't imagine it!"

"Well, then all the more reason to try it, right?"
"I'm not so sure I want to know."

"Then I guess you could just keep going like you are now."

"I like that even less."

She shrugged. "Then there you go. It's tough, and I have no idea what I'd do in your position, but..I can't really do anything about it. But I'm trying to help you, okay?"

"...Yeah." I sighed. Then I looked up, and looked her in the eyes. "Thank you. I really don't understand all of this still, but I'm grateful you're trying to help." With that, I stood up.
"You're welcome. And I'll let you know if I manage to find anything." She stayed in her chair. I nodded to her, and left the shop.

Well, here I am now. Wait, no, that's still getting ahead of myself. I had supper, did the stuff I usually do before going to bed, and waited until around the time I would usually write one of these. I stood in front of my dresser, which has a mirror on the top of it. I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, as I usually do during the day. I took a few deep breaths and got started.

I poked my left arm with my right index, just concentrating on one thought: 'become a girl'. I wasn't really sure I wanted to go through with it, but I didn't like the idea of never controlling this even more. For a couple of seconds, nothing happened. Then the hair on my arm, starting from where the finger was, pulled in, becoming short as if I'd shaved it or something. My arm looked a little thinner, too. I gasped and let go, and it turned back to normal at once, and looked just like I hadn't done anything at all.

So, I thought, I need to keep concentrating. I took another deep breath. Then I held up my finger and poked my nose. Be a girl, I thought, and focused. It was only a second or two before I noticed my face was starting to feel a little funny, and looked like it was getting a bit smaller.

This time I stayed calm. Keep it up, I thought to myself. My other arm was resting against the side of my stomach, and now I could feel it tightening a little bit, my hand pushing in farther than it had before. Still concentrating on that one thought, I slowly let go of my nose and let my arms relax to either side. After all, everyone I've changed only needed to be touched the once, and it's easier to concentrate when you're not constantly putting pressure on your own nose.

Now my hair was getting longer. My face looked, well, girly, and as more and more hair framed it I would have believed it was a girl if I'd just seen the head. I felt a little pull in my neck, and realized that was probably my adam's apple. I moved my chin up just a little bit, and I could see my neck had gotten smaller. Then my shirt developed a zipper and long sleeves, so I carefully unzipped it, still concentrating.

I pulled the jacket aside and found a piece of black cloth wrapped around my chest area that hadn't been there before. I also could see what my stomach had gone through, was still going through. It was flat, and it was a little thin, still getting thinner. Also, my whole upper body, from neck to lower waist, looked smooth and hairless. Out of some curiosity or something like that, I ran a hand from top to bottom on my stomach to feel it, and it felt just as smooth and flat as it looked.

When I moved my hand around, I found that the jacket sleeve wasn't pushing against anything but skin, and with it in front of my stomach I could see that the sleeve of the jacket was much thinner than my arm had been before. My fingers looked a little longer and thinner too, and I noticed the nails were longer, better kept, as if I'd manicured them or something. I reached that same hand up to the top of my head and ran it down my hair, which was now all the way down to my waist. It felt smooth and straight. It looked good too, I guess.

By this time I was forgetting to concentrate on becoming a girl, I was too busy paying attention to the fact that I was becoming one. But it didn't seem to matter. I guess I was either past a point where the change would go back if I stopped thinking about it, or thinking about myself becoming a girl counted as concentrating too? Anyway, now I could feel my hips..loosening. Like how my stomach had felt tight before, it was as if I had been wearing a tight belt and now someone was loosening it for me. The mirror didn't go far enough down to show me what was happening in the reflection, but I could look down and see that my hips were getting wider, and I could place my hand gently against their side to feel it pushing outward.

Still looking down, I saw my jeans crawling down off of my hips, and I could feel a little bit of a draft on the top of my legs. My boxers were..short. And getting shorter. I moved my hand down a bit and found my leg as smooth and hairless as my stomach was. The jeans were turning to a tight, thin cloth, and both they and the boxers had turned black when I wasn't paying attention. It felt like the cloth itself was pushing my legs in, making them tighter and thinner. I put one of my legs out and I could see just how..girly it looked.

I took another deep breath. The boxers..well, the underwear was getting tighter, between my legs, so I knew what was coming next. I looked down to see pink dots appearing on the cloth on my chest and the underwear, but that wasn't what I was focused on. I could feel...well, I'm sure you know. The underwear was tight on it, got looser and then tighter again, until finally it couldn't get any tighter. I bent over for a second or two to look at the gap between my upper legs, and I could see without a doubt what I already knew from feeling it: I was a girl now.

And when I stood up, I was blushing. Something about the realization that I wasn't a guy anymore just made me feel...exposed? I don't know. But now the cloth on my chest had turned into two straps over my shoulder, two more straps around the back that met the first two, and pieces of cloth in front of my chest. "Oh man...boobs," I said. I'm not sure why I said it, probably to hear my own voice. It's kind of a low tone, but just high enough that nobody would even think I was a guy if they heard me. Then my chest started 'loosening', growing,and the pieces of cloth held by the straps were filling up. It didn't take long, they aren't huge. They're smaller than Carla's, I think, but any size felt weird after being a flat-chested male for 18 years. Once they finished growing I understood perfectly the purpose of a bra, like the one I was wearing now.

For a few seconds or so I just stared at my own, still-blushing face in the mirror. Then, I looked myself up and down, as much as I could. I bent around and turned around to get a good look at my back. I took off the jacket. I poked and prodded a few spots. The blush was fading, I didn't really feel much of anything. I mean, it shouldn't be surprising. I'm not attracted to myself when I'm a guy, I am a girl right now, so I'm not attracted to girls. Right? But it felt weird.

It still feels weird. When I finally got through looking at myself, getting used to the feel of this body, I sat down to write this. I'm going to look back at it when I'm through and see if I talk, if I think different when I'm..female. But I'll just say this, I don't feel especially happy or sad about what my body is right now. It just feels weird. It feels almost like this couldn't be my body, like I'm having some kind of out-of-body experience, but the panties and the weight on my chest make it kind of hard to fully accept that kind of thought.

But, okay, I've practiced. I can make my power work on me when it usually wouldn't, I guess. I want to change back. But first...I just want to check a couple of things.

...I'm back. Well, my memories are the same as always. Maybe it's what happens when my power 'doesn't' want to work, it doesn't add any new memories. But my chest of drawers, my closet, even an old name tag from a few years back are all different. I'm Kayla, apparently. I don't know for sure, but I suspect everyone else will remember me as Kayla. Maybe I'm wrong, and it's only my room that got changed with me and my clothes. I'm not willing to risk what I would have to risk to find out. I'm just going to change back now. I don't know how hard or easy it will be.

...Well, that was fast. I stood up, thought about becoming a guy, and all at once it happened. When I turned into a girl it was so slow, like I was pushing against a spring, so I guess that spring snapped right back as soon as I wanted to turn back into a guy. I'm relieved, honestly. I don't want to have to explain what happened tonight to anyone. Maybe I'll try it again tomorrow night, see if it's any easier the second time? Tonight, I feel..well, I feel tired. Maybe pushing my power into doing what it doesn't want to is supposed to be tiring, I don't know. Rio didn't mention it, but I didn't ask.

Anyway, I'll write in here next time something happens. Maybe I'll talk about my progress with this...weirdness. I don't know.

Midas Journal 7

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Today I have written not one, but two new parts to this episodic story. I might be a little rusty with this character, so he might not sound or act exactly like he used to. I hope it isn't too different, I tried to get back in tune with Kael before writing all this up..

Entry: Mar 29

Rio hasn't come up with anything yet, or if she has she's waiting to tell me. I don't see her all that much, in school or out. She's a class below me, so we're not in any classes together, we just wave on the odd time we pass each other in the hallway. I guess she'll probably just put another note in my locker if she does come up with something, or just wants to talk for some reason. Anyway, I'm getting off track. I'm writing this because another change happened today. I bumped into Tim.

I should probably explain Tim. He's a quiet nerd, really small and slim. He's probably going to graduate a year or two ahead, seriously, he's that smart. He's also the kind of guy that the jocks want to cheat off of or force into helping them with their homework. Or...I guess that's who he was.

For a little guy, Tim was really fast. He would always dash straight from one class to another, and sometimes he would run into somebody and drop half of his stuff. Some people laugh, nice people just help him gather it back up again so he can continue his sprint. I think I'm losing track of my tenses here. Anyway, he was doing that today and ran straight into me. I was fine, but he fell over backwards. I knew who he was because of his reputation, but I don't think he knew who I was and just assumed I didn't like him. He was stammering some kind of apology, but I offered my hand to help him up.

"T-thank you," he said, taking it and standing up. I already knew something was wrong: His hair had been short, and now it was halfway down the sides of his head.

"No problem," I said, trying to remain calm. It was all happening so fast. Now his hair was past his shoulders. His stereotypical nerd glasses seemed to break in half and fall off, showing off his bright green eyes, which looked even bigger since his face was getting smaller. Then his turtleneck opened up in the front and tightened around his stomach. He was already slim, but now his stomach was even thinner.The hair from his back was down to his hips now, and those hips grew wider and rounder. Suddenly the top few inches or so of his jeans flipped up and out, turning into a skirt and showing off his legs. Then the bottom part of his jeans turned to long dark socks, merging with the socks he'd already been wearing under his tennis shoes. They were tight, and showed off the rest of his legs, which were really girly. I'm not sure if they were before, or if they had changed just now.

All of this in the span of about a second or two. By now his hair was past his hips in the back, almost to his knees, and I heard a very high-pitched little gasp that made me look up. I was in time to see Tim's chest push out into the turtleneck, and I could see a little bit of cleavage at the bottom of its collar now. Then it was done.

I forced myself to focus back up at Tim's face. She was blushing, but there was this tiny smile on her lips. I realized her name was Tina, and some memories of seeing her around popped into my head the same way I had remembered Carlos as Carla. I couldn't help it, the first thing that came to my mind then was just how cute she looked. I pushed the thought back. She said "Thank you" again, in a soft, quiet voice. Then she broke off into a run again toward her next class. I had a class to get to too, and there wasn't really anything I could do about it.

I couldn't just leave her. I really have no idea how suddenly switching genders affects a person. I mean, I know it seems like every person I accidentally change is fine with it, or even happier than before, but I'm not willing to just assume that. I can't imagine being happier after suddenly turning into a girl, it just dosen't make any sense. So after school I found her walking on her way out. I walked up next to her and said, "Hey."

She looked over and up at me. She still had the same smile, but the blush was gone. "Oh, hi." It was the same soft sort of tone. It was hard to hear what she was saying without listening very closely.

"Are you..are you okay? After what happened this afternoon..."

"Oh, yeah. I'm great. Heh, you think a little fall like that would hurt me?"

"I don't mean that," I snapped. She pulled back a little bit, clearly scared, and then I felt guilty for getting mad. But I'm still afraid that I might be going crazy, so I was panicking a little bit. "Look, I don't really have any idea how or why, but I know I was responsible. It was an accident."

"Well, if it was an accident then you weren't really responsible, right?" Her voice was still soft, but had a kind of confidence to it. "Besides, I think I'm okay. It's.." She paused, looked around to see if anyone was listening, and then lowered her voice to a whisper, which was even harder to hear. "It's really not any worse when guys flirt than it was when they would threaten to beat me up. I'm not sure if it's better, but..well, I used to be nearsighted, you know. I like having good vision. And..a skinny girl is a lot more attractive than an emaciated guy. So, don't worry about it, okay? I gotta go." We were at the exit doors by the time she finished talking, and then she took off running. I swear, if she wasn't so busy studying she could probably run for track. What I mean is, even if I wanted to say something back I couldn't have hoped to catch up to her.

I left the building, and Carla caught up to me. "Hey, I didn't know you knew Tina," she said.

"I don't. She was.." I made an unclear gesture with my hand, I didn't want to explain all over again.

She understood. "Oh. Well, what's she think?" She started walking on our route home, and I followed.

"She says she likes not being nearsighted, and..something about being more attractive than Tim was."
"Tim?"
"Who she was before today."

Carla facepalmed. "Oh, yeah. Guess that should've been obvious. Is it just me or does your...whatever-power always pick names real close to the original?"

"I guess so. And she said if it was an accident, it wasn't my fault."

"Well, that seems like sound logic."
"So why do I still feel guilty?"

She stopped and gave me a look. "You know, I have no idea. Maybe you're more of a pervert than everyone thinks?" Her look turned to a vicious grin, and I could feel some heat in my cheeks. Then she laughed. "You know, I kind of wish you could try it for yourself. Just to get an idea of what it's like. Even if it doesn't make anything better, it can't make it too much worse. These days a person's gender isn't as important as who you really are."

I had to stop and think about that for a minute. "Maybe you're right. I don't know. Can we talk about something else for a while?"
"Sure. Let's go." We continued our walk.

I think I'm going to talk to Rio again tomorrow. I think even if she hasn't figured out what my power is, she's still probably the only person I know who can help me work out how to control it. I don't know, maybe I can stop myself from changing people when I don't want to.